


Hush, Little Baby

by NatalieMarieCee



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-30 12:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17828483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieMarieCee/pseuds/NatalieMarieCee
Summary: Sequel to Bunker Baby!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, it took so long to get this started, guys. Life has been a little crazy lately!

            To say that things had been easy after the baby was born would be to lie. Abby had been doing mostly paperwork, yes, but between that and breastfeeding she was exhausted. She hadn’t been getting enough sleep, which was normal with a newborn. It was, however, more difficult than it had been when Clarke was little. Abby blamed it on age and circumstances. There was a lot more to worry about in the bunker than there had been almost twenty years previously on the Ark. Not to mention, every time Abby’s thoughts strayed to Clarke, she felt a little sick inside. This had been happening a lot lately, actually. Abby had been sad at least part of each day. She knew what was going on. Her doctor’s mind was telling her she had post-partum depression. She would have to talk to Jackson about that sooner or later. She already dreaded the conversation.

            Marcus was pretty much in the same boat as Abby. Not enough sleep, too much stress, and a little sadness of his own. His wasn’t the same as Abby’s, but it was pretty damn close. Marcus, too, thought of Clarke and got sad. He wished she could see her little brother. Or, at least, know of his existence. _She would make such a great big sister_ , he thought to himself when his mind started down that dark path. _She would be so proud, so protective._

            Marcus had the added bonus of not being able to be around his namesake as much as Abby. It bothered him that he couldn’t be by their side all day like he could when Abby was still pregnant. He’d had a guard assignment to them, but it wasn’t the same. Miller watched them carefully, even taking the time to hold Marcus Jr once in a while to give Abby a break. But, Marcus still wished it was him. Duty called, though. He had meeting after meeting with Octavia and Indra. They had many things to discuss on a daily basis and there was no getting around it.

            Sometimes, Abby had to come to the meetings, too. But, Marcus still didn’t get to spend extra time with his son. Either Octavia stole him from Abby for the duration of the meeting, or he was left with Miller. It bothered Marcus and he was more than ready for their little family to have a few days to themselves. After all, three months of only seeing his son in the evening was enough. Some days, Marcus didn’t even get to sit with Abby in their room. There were nights when he had to go sit in an uncomfortable chair by Abby’s desk in medical just to spend time with his baby. Not that he was really complaining, he just wished they were back in their room so Abby could relax, too.

            It was a night when he had to go to Abby that the idea for a few days off popped into his head. He hadn’t spoken to Abby about it yet, but he had begun to form a plan where he would ask Octavia if Abby and himself could have a day or two where they wouldn’t have to do anything. A couple days off. After all, that had been the norm on the Ark. Everyone, or most everyone, got a day off here and there to spend with their family. Marcus didn’t think it was too much to ask. There were people who asked for days off all the time. They didn’t usually get them, but there was no harm in asking.

            Now, the hard part would be prying Abby away from her desk. She wasn’t seeing patients as often as she would like, but in the last couple of weeks, she had started to again. Marcus knew that talking to Octavia would be difficult, but convincing Abby was going to be a whole different monster. She, even on the Ark, was a stranger to says off. It wasn’t her thing. She got bored and stir-crazy after just a few hours. She would say that she had nothing to do and there were patients to see. When she had been Chancellor of Arkadia, she would go days without sleeping.

            Not that she didn’t have the option. She just always found something else to do. A patient to see, a test to run, paperwork to do, projects to look into. All things that could have been done by someone else or could have waited until she’d slept. He knew all too well what Abby would do to herself if she wasn’t watched over. Not that he would ever tell her that. She would have probably killed him if she knew he had thought this. But, he would have to find a way to get her to relax if Octavia gave them the time he was asking, and it would take a lot out of him.

 

*****

 

                Marcus made his way to Octavia’s office, ready to ask her for a day off. He was ready to be turned down, but he couldn’t help asking anyway. It was time they had a day to themselves, or at least part of a day. Some time to spend as a family. _A family_ , he though. _My family_. The term was still new to him and brought him a warm feeling in his belly.

            Marcus knocked on the office door, hoping Octavia was inside and not off somewhere in one of her sparring matches.

            “Enter,” said a voice on the other side of the door.

            _Thank god_ , he thought to himself as he pushed the door open.

            “Octavia, I need to talk to you about something,” Marcus said.

            “Please, no more about the clans fighting with each other,” she answered from behind the desk.

            “No, its about me and Abby,” he stated.

            “I’m not a marriage councilor,” Octavia deadpanned.

            “No, no. We’re not having problems. Not like that anyway,” he smiled. “I was wondering if there was any way you could let us off the hook for a day. So we can spend some time together, as a family.”

            “You’ve gone soft, Kane,” Indra joked from the corner.

            “Be that as it may, I would appreciate a day with my son and wife,” Marcus retorted.

            “I don’t think we can handle the two of you having time off together, Kane,” Octavia said.

            “Please, Octavia. Abby and I need a day off together. I can count the number of hours I’ve spent with my son in the last two days on one hand. I need this.”

            “I’ll make you a deal,” Octavia said, leaning back in her chair.

            “And what might that be.” Marcus had hope now. He just prayed what Octavia wanted would be reasonable.

            “Bring Abby in here to talk about the new birth control she’s been working on tomorrow morning, and you can have the rest of tomorrow off. Sound good?”  
            Marcus wasn’t aware that Abby was working on anything like that, but he nodded his head and excused himself before Octavia could change her mind. He headed back to his own office a couple floors down and tried to think of a way to convince Abby to take most of tomorrow off with him.

 

*****

 

            The work day came and went, and Marcus hadn’t come up with a single method to use on Abby except begging. It would have to work, but it was going to be hard. Maybe he could even use some emotional leverage. Something along the lines of needing to have his son with him for the day, and not wanting to sit in medical the whole time. _It’s better than nothing_ , he thought as he started towards medical.

            He got to the door as the lights were being turned off. That was a good sign. Usually medical stayed open later than everything else. They, more often than not, were treating someone for something long after everyone else ventured off to their bunks or to the mess hall.

            Marcus stopped outside the door and leaned against the wall, waiting for Abby and Jackson to exit medical.

            “Hey there, pretty lady,” Marcus said with a smile as Abby looked up at him.

            “Hi,” Abby responded.

            “Can I take that for you?” He asked, pointing to the bundle in her arms.

            “Well, considering he’s your son, I suppose its ok,” Abby joked as she handed Marcus the baby. At this exchange, Jackson nodded his goodbye at the couple and went on his way with Miller at his side.

            Marcus looked down at the baby in his arms, his eyes wide with admiration and love. He looked towards Abby and received a smile.

            “So, how was your day?” Abby asked him as they started walking back to their own room.

            “Slow, and yours?” Marcus asked.

            “About the same. This morning was a little busy, but the rest of the day we were pretty much just cleaning and organizing,” she told him.

            “That’s good. Everyone deserves a down day once in a while. Especially you guys.”  
            “I agree. But, you deserve time to relax, too. Your job isn’t exactly easy either.”  
            “Speaking of days off, my love, I was thinking we could take one tomorrow. Together,” Marcus stopped next to Abby. He was expecting a reaction like this. He was prepared to be let down.

            “I wish I could, Marcus, but there’s a lot for me to do. I have patients to see, paperwork to do, I have to talk to Octavia about birth control… there just isn’t time,” Abby explained.

            “Actually, there is. Octavia said if you talk to her tomorrow morning about the new birth control, we can have the rest of the day to ourselves,” Marcus told her, smiling.

            “So, you already talked to her about this?” Abby asked.

            “Yes, and I think we should take the deal. It’s reasonable and we could even squeeze in a nap if we try,” Marcus answered.

            “Well, I suppose its worth a try,” Abby answered as she began walking again, a smile on her face. Marcus hadn’t seen her smile like that in a while.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

            Marcus and Abby sit in the office waiting for Octavia to join them. They sit, relaxed on the couch, playing with their beautiful son. He was holding Marcus’s finger and cooing at Abby. They felt moments like this were prefect.

            “What did we ever do to deserve this, Marcus?” Abby asks.

            “I have no idea, honey, but I’m so glad we did,” he tells her, planting a kiss on her cheek. Marcus never thought he would have a family to call his own, but here they were: a baby holding his index finger and his arm around the most beautiful woman in the world. He wouldn’t change a thing. He was so happy and content that it didn’t seem to matter that they were locked in a bunker and the surface of the planet was radioactive. His world, these two people, were all that mattered to him now. It didn’t matter where he was, they were all he needed to feel at home.

            Octavia walked in while talking to Indra in Trig excitedly. Abby was unsure of what they were saying, but it brought a chuckle from Marcus. It was times like these that Abby wished she knew what they were saying. She vowed to herself that she would try to start learning more when she had the time.

            “Alright, Abby. Let’s get the over with,” Octavia said, sitting on the front of the desk.

            Abby handed to baby to Marcus, who set him into the crook of his arm comfortably.

            As Abby began talking, Marcus started to lose interest in what she was saying. He noticed he was doing so, but didn’t care. He was too busy holding his son and watching Abby as she moved around and spoke. Sometimes, when she started talking about medical things, he began to think she was the smartest woman alive. He would get wrapped up in the way she moved and spoke and somehow manage to not hear a single word she said. He knew it annoyed her, but he couldn’t help it. Part of him knew she thought it was cute.

            Abby and Octavia went through discussing the birth control, an implant made of copper that would go inside the uterus of every woman inside the bunker, before talking about Abby announcing it at dinner. Marcus wasn’t fond of the idea, but he couldn’t very well tell everyone for her. He supposed he could give her a few pointers on how to approach the subject and how to word a few things. She wasn’t the best at public speaking. It made her nervous and she didn’t always word things in a way that crowds were receptive to.

            As they walked back to their room, Marcus could tell Abby was nervous. He put his free hand on her lower back, his other cradling their sleeping son.

 

*****

 

            As Abby and Marcus spend the day with their son, they find comfort in each other. They knew they needed a day off, but they didn’t know how much until they were actually doing it. They spent time playing with the baby and napping. Naps were so rare that they almost felt bad about taking them.

            As the day wore on and dinner got closer, Abby and Marcus discussed how Abby would address the crowd. She became annoyed rather quickly, though, because it seemed like Marcus wanted to fix everything she said. She knew part of her anger was that she had to speak in front of almost the entire bunker at dinner, but she was starting to feel like she wasn’t smart enough to talk at all.

            “Then why don’t you talk to them?!” Abby nearly exploded at Marcus. The baby rustled around in his spot on the bed, reminding Abby to keep her voice down.

            “They won’t respect it coming from me, Abby. You know that,” Marcus tried to reason with her.

            “They won’t respect anything coming out of my mouth unless I say it your way,” she retorted.

            “Yes, they will. You just have to tailor what you’re saying to your audience.”

            “You’re making it seem like they’re all stupid.”  
            “Compared to you, we are.”  
            “That’s ridiculous, Marcus.”  
            “No, it’s really not. You’re probably the smartest person in this bunker,” Marcus said, placing a hand on Abby’s shoulder.

            “That’s not true and you know it.”  
            “No, Abby, it is. You can name every bone and tendon in the human body. You can fix anything wrong with anyone. You know how everything works inside us. You’re the smartest.”

            “Jackson can do all that, too,” Abby said.

            “He can’t do brain surgery.”  
            “And you think I can?”  
            “Can you?” Marcus had a smirk now.

            “Shut up. That’s not the point.”  
            “Yes, it is. You’re the smartest. You can do this, just like you can do anything else you put your mind to, Abby.”

 

*****

 

            The day came and went before they knew it, but Abby and Marcus had enjoyed their day of rest and family time. But, it was almost dinner time and Abby’s nerves seemed to be getting the best of her as she walked to the mess hall with Marcus and the baby.

            “You’re going to do fine, Abby,” Marcus told her, a hand ever present on her lower back.

            “Yeah, if I don’t wet myself while I’m talking.”

            “You’ll be fine. You peed before we left our room,” Marcus chuckled.

            “Every time I get nervous, I always have to pee.”  
            “You do that when you’re cold, too.”  
            “Helpful, Marcus. Very helpful.”  
            “Just trying to make you laugh, sweetheart.”  
            “It didn’t work,” Abby turned to Marcus. “Seriously, though. What if I mess this up? We’re going to end up with too many people in the bunker and it will be my fault.”  
            “It won’t be your fault if that happens. Besides, it won’t. You’re going to do fine, Abby.”

            As they entered the mess hall, a few eyes turned toward them. Some lingered and others went back to their meals, accustomed to the small family by now. Those who kept looking had a tendency to do so and made Marcus and Abby nervous. Marcus held the baby a little tighter than he had been before.

            Marcus and Abby made their way to their seats. Marcus sat, but Abby remained standing, looking out at the crowd with eyes like a deer in headlights. Octavia stood:

            “There are some things that need to be discussed tonight. As we all know, the Kanes had a baby a few months ago. Congratulations.” Octavia paused and gestured to the people beside her, then continued: “But, we don’t have the room for any more babies. It might seem harsh and unfair, but it is what it is. Abby is going to talk to you about that a little tonight.”

            Abby stood, took a deep breath and began:

            “If we can prevent pregnancy, we should. I know I’m not the one you want to hear this from, but it’s the truth. We’re going to implement a new form of birth control starting tomorrow,” Abby paused, trying to remember to breathe and talk slowly. This was going to be the hard part. “If you happen to get pregnant before we can give you your new IUD, the pregnancy will have to be terminated.”

            All eyes were on Abby. It was unfair, and she knew it. She got to keep her baby, but she had just told every woman in the bunker that she wouldn’t let them keep theirs. It wasn’t right and she knew it. There were a few gasps from the crowd. There were murmurs in angry, hushed tones.

            “This isn’t right!”  
            “You can’t take our babies from us!”  
            “Lead by example!”  
            “Liar!”

            “We’re back on the damn Ark and you’re still privileged, Griffin!”

            The crowd yelled many things, obscenities included, but the last comment hit Abby hard. She knew she was allowed more than most of them and she felt sick at the thought.

            The crowd stood, still yelling until someone stepped forward and stood on the other side of the table, eyeing Abby with disdain.

            “You should have been forced to abort yours!” The woman threw an apple at Abby, which she dodged in the nick of time. Unfortunately, it came rather close to the baby’s head and Marcus stood. He handed the baby to Abby, knowing there would only be one way out of this. He had to maintain his composure, which was going to take a lot.

            “We can’t say we weren’t given a opportunity that has been taken from you, but when we leave this bunker you will have that chance again,” Marcus started. But, as he did so, a man from the crowd rushed him and jumped the table. Marcus went to stop the man, but it was too late. He was over the table and on top of the much bigger Marcus in a matter of seconds.

            Abby backed out of the way and into the corner just in time as the men tumbled around on the ground. Marcus may have been older by more than a decade, but years on the guard gave him the upper hand. He had the man pinned in a few seconds, though his nose was bleeding.

            “Stop!” Octavia yelled in a commanding voice. “Or I’ll send both of you to the fighting pit!”  
            Marcus looked from the man on the ground to Octavia. He was seething with anger and no longer holding himself together. He got off the man and pulled him up, giving him a rude shove in the direction of the end of the table.

            “Outbursts like this will no longer be tolerated. The next time this happens, everyone involved will go to the fighting pit. I don’t care who started it, understand?” Octavia addressed the crowd. They nodded in silent agreement. Marcus wiped at his nose then looked at the blood on his hand. He turned to Abby and pulled her gently with him.

            As Marcus and Abby headed towards medical, few words were exchanged. Marcus knew Abby would want to make sure his nose wasn’t broken, and he would let her, but he was still angry. Angry at the crowd, the man who tackled him, and Octavia. Mostly Octavia, though. He couldn’t understand her need for threating to send him to the pit. He was just defending himself and she knew that. And still, she threatened to send him there. He knew he had a good chance of winning, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, if he lost, he would be leaving behind Abby and the baby. He couldn’t do that.

            Jackson held Marcus Jr while Abby assessed Marcus.

            “Nothing seems to be broken, but it’s going to hurt for a few days. You did more damage than you took, Marcus,” Abby told him.

            Marcus said nothing. He looked past Abby and at Jackson, who had the back of his hand on the baby’s forehead.

            “I don’t mean to worry you guys,” Jackson started, “but the little guy is pretty warm.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Hush, little baby…_

 

“I’ve run all the tests twice, Abby,” Jackson said.

“Run them again!” Abby yelled.

“Abby, I-”

“Run them again, damn it!” She was crying now, desperate.

Jackson didn’t say anything and he didn’t move to run the tests again. He sat beside Abby, a hand on her shoulder. She was sobbing into her hands. It wasn’t Abby he was worried about. It was Marcus.

Marcus had sat in the same place, with the baby in his arms, and hadn’t moved. He hadn’t said a work, even when Jackson told him the infant had Leukemia. Marcus’s face showed no emotion and he sat still as a stone. He was basically catatonic at this point. Jackson knew Marcus would have a breakdown, he just either hadn’t accepted what was going on or didn’t understand.

Jackson knew Marcus was a smart man, smart enough to understand cancer. He also knew that was how Marcus’s father had died years ago. Jackson worried Marcus would blame himself. But, as of right now, Marcus just sat there, looking down at his terminally ill son.

“Abby, we need to talk about what’s going-“

“I know what’s going to happen! I already know, Jackson, I know. I know,” she looked at the floor, tears streaming down her face.

For the first time, Marcus spoke up:

“It’s going to be ok, Abby. We can fix this. You can fix him. He’ll be fine, right?”

Abby couldn’t speak. Marcus’s words only brought more tears to her eyes. She knew that Marcus didn’t understand that they didn’t have the technology in the bunker to cure their son of cancer.

Abby looked at him and shook her head.

“Oh,” Marcus said. “It’s almost his bedtime. We should get him back to the room, Abby.”

Marcus stood and took her by the head, pulling her up beside him.

“Thank you, Eric. We will see you in the morning,” Marcus said, nodding at the man as he pulled a still crying Abby beside.

 

*****

 

Abby cried most of the night, fighting sleep as much as she could. She wanted to spend every minute she could with her son. When he nursed, she cried harder. She became angry at the world. She thought this was her second chance at being a good mother. She was trying so hard and doing so well, but the world was taking a second child away from her. The world was killing her baby and there was nothing she could do. She thought about being the best and most-practiced doctor alive and how there wasn’t a damn thing she could do for her son.

She was mad at Marcus, too. Mad that he wasn’t talking, mad that he was able to sleep, mad that he wasn’t crying over their son like she had been all night. Mostly, though, she was mad that he thought she could fix their son and save his life. She knew it wasn’t right to be mad at Marcus because it wasn’t his fault, but she couldn’t stop herself.

Mostly, though, she was just angry that she was going to lose someone else she loved.

 _Maybe, I don’t deserve to be loved_ , she thought. _Maybe, I’m supposed to be alone. I’m meant to suffer and I don’t know why. I don’t deserve children. I’m a horrible mother. I don’t deserve to be happy_. She couldn’t pull herself for the thoughts in her head.

_I don’t deserve to be sober._

_I just want the pain to stop_.

Abby finished nursing the baby, laid him down beside his sleeping father, and went into the bathroom. She pulled a bottle of pills out of the cabinet. They were pain relivers she had from when she gave birth but had refused to use them, worried a trace amount would make it into the breastmilk or that she would become addicted to them all over again.

She poured a few out into her hand and looked at herself in the mirror.

 

*****

 

Marcus reached his handout to his son. The boy grabbed his father’s finger as he fell asleep.

 _We have to pay for our sins_.

Marcus had listened to Abby cry the whole night. He wanted to reach out to her and hold her. He wanted to tell her everything would be ok. He wanted to fix everything.

 _I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew I wasn’t good enough. I’m not good enough to be her husband and I’m not good enough to be a father. I deserve this. I have to pay for my sins_.

Marcus reached into his pocket and pulled the ring out of it. He placed it on Abby’s pillow, knowing she would never wear it on her finger. He knew now that she would never be his wife. How could she want to? He couldn’t even keep their family together. He had hardly spent time with them these few months and now his son was going to die.

That’s when he noticed it.

The baby was burning up.

“Abby! Abby, I need you to come here,” Marcus yelled.

He waited, trying to make sure the baby was breathing.

“ABBY!” He yelled louder this time, unable to feel the baby’s breath on his face. “Abby, I need you now! He’s not breathing, Abby!”

 

*****

 

It was the worst day of their lives. They had never seen a coffin so small. It was terrible to watch it go in to that fire.

Marcus had never been so sad in his life.

Abby had never been so high in hers.

 

_Don’t say a word._


	4. Chapter 4

            Abby sat on the floor of the bathroom with the only baby blanket in the bunker. It was in her lap. It still smelled like her son. She knew she shouldn’t be sitting here with it. She knew it was only going to make her feel worse. But, here she was anyway, crying into a blanket with Marcus sitting in the other room starring at the wall. That’s all they seemed to do these days.

            She knew Marcus felt bad, too. She knew he was as much of wreck as she was. She also knew part of him blamed her for their son’s death. After all, she might have been able to resuscitate him if she hadn’t been too busy shoving pills down her throat.

            _It wasn’t enough_ , she thought to herself. _I should have taken more. I should have been in that furnace with my baby_.

            Abby stood, setting the blanket on the sink. She opened the panel on the wall that had her pills in it. She wasn’t quiet about it. She knew Marcus was aware that she was taking the pills again. She knew he didn’t care anymore.

 _He probably wishes I was dead, anyway_.

Abby didn’t even bother to fight the intrusive thoughts at this point. She was spirling down and thought she deserved it. There was no point in trying to pretend she was ok. There was no point in bothering to fight her demons when the world took everything good from her. All she had now was a silent, catatonic Marcus whom she was sure would be glad when she finally killed herself.

She emptied what was left of the bottle into her hand and prayed it was enough.

 

*****

 

            He heard the bottle shaking from his seat just as clearly as he’d heard her crying. She blamed herself and he knew there was nothing he could do to make her feel better when he himself felt like his life had just ended. All he had ever wanted was a family. And, once he finally had it, it was taken from him. Every bit of it. His son was dead and the woman he wanted to marry was doing drugs in the other room.

            It felt like one of those old drama shows from the 21st century that everyone used to watch.

            He felt like there was something about him that brought evil with it wherever he went. Everyone he loved died, painfully. His father died of cancer, his mother with shrapnel in her abdomen, his son stopped breathing just hours after being diagnosed with cancer himself, and Abby was going to kill herself with pills.

            _Abby is going to kill herself_. The thought pulled him to his senses. _Abby is going to kill herself… kill herself with pills… the pills in her hand… she’s in the other room and she’s going to kill herself_.

            Marcus was sanding before he knew it, rushing towards the bathroom. He used his bodyweight on the bathroom door. It was solid metal, but it wasn’t locked. He silently thanked god as he burst through the door.

            “Stop, Abby. Just stop.” The words came out with no emotion.

            Abby looked at Marcus, then at her hand. She looked confused, like she wasn’t sure if she still wanted to try or not. She didn’t put the pills down, though. Instead, she went, wuickly, to put them in her mouth.

            Marcus had never used force on Abby. There had never been a need to. Yes, she was stubborn. Yes, he had her shock lashed. Yes, he had threatened her. But, never, never had he put his hands on her. He knew the story of her past. He knew she had been abused. He knew she was generally afraid of people who spoke with their hands instead of their mouths. He had vowed he would never hurt her again after ordering the shock lashing. But, this was different.

            Marcus grabbed her had before she could fully get the pills in her mouth. He pinned it behind her back and put an arm around her throat. He didn’t want to choke her, he just wanted to stop her from swallowing. He pinned the front of her body to the wall, himself at her back.

            “Spit it out. Now,” he told her in an even tone. Instinct had taken over. “Spit it out, and I’ll let go of you.”

            Abby couldn’t speak, let alone breathe. All she knew was she was terrified. Marcus had never been like this with her. She knew he was capable of it. She had seen him use this brutality on people before, but never her. No, he was always tender with her.

            But who she was on drugs wasn’t who she was when she was sober. She supposed she deserved it. So, she stood there and watched the wall in front of her turn to black. She knew she would hit the floor, but she also knew she would swallow as soon as he let go and that’s what she wanted. A final ‘fuck you’ to the world that turned out to be so vicious.

 

*****

 

            Abby awoke in medical, strapped to a bed. She wasn’t sure what was going on at first. She tried to move but couldn’t. She was restrained and intubated. She was dizzy and felt sick. She could feel the machine forcing her to breathe. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

            Something moved beside her in her peripheral vision. She hoped it wasn’t Marcus.

            _The only thing worse than trying to kill yourself is surviving trying to kill yourself. The only thing worse than waking up alone from it, is waking up to someone you love standing beside you_ , she thought.

            Jackson moved to stand beside her. He put his hand on her shoulder.

            “You ready to breathe on your own?” Jackson asked.

            Abby blinked.

            “Blink again if you understand me,” the young man said.

            Abby blinked.

            Jackson moved to unhook her.

            _He’s using his doctor voice on me_ , went through Abby’s mind. _Not good._

            Jackson wedged a bite plate between Abby’s top and bottom teeth before beginning to pull the tube out of her throat. Abby had rarely experienced something so weird. She felt like she was swallowing in reverse and had no control over it. It wasn’t like throwing up, but it made her feel like she was going to. She gagged as Jackson pulled it out.

            Suddenly, there was a warmth on her left hand. Someone was holding her hand. Abby didn’t have to see the person beside her to know it was Marcus. She knew by the feel of his callouses.

            Marcus had seen her try to kill herself, he tried to stop her, and he was here now, watching as Jackson pulled the intubation tube out of her.

            Abby began breathing on her own as soon as the tube was out.

            Jackson began working to undo her restraints and her hand suddenly became cold again. Marcus had let go. Abby looked to her left just long enough to see Marcus stand.

            As soon as her hand was free, she reached for him, gripping the hem of his shirt. Marcus stopped and turned to look at her, tears running down his face.

            “Stay,” Abby said in a hoarse voice. Her throat hurt worse than it ever had in her life.

            Marcus grabbed her hand and turned. He kissed her fingers and began to speak:

            “I love you, Abby. I love you so much. But, you were going to leave me all alone. I can’t handle that,” he said, still crying.

            Marcus placed her hand down gently on the bed at her side and pulled the curtain aside, closing it behind him. Abby sat in silence as she listened to the door in medical open and close. Marcus was gone and she knew he wouldn’t be coming back any time soon.

            Abby looked to Jackson. He was writing on his clipboard.

            “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be at my desk,” he said as he, too left her alone.

            Abby went to move, feeling suddenly very dizzy. She went to stand but found her feet were still restrained.

            All she wanted was to take a pill and fall asleep.

            _Fall asleep and never wake up._

Abby thought about that as she looked to the ceiling. Then, she thought of Marcus.

            _I love you, Abby… Leave me all alone… can’t handle that_.

            And then he was gone.

            She was alone and strapped to a bed and it was her fault.

            _I can’t even kill myself right._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it has taken me so long to post a new chapter, guys! Things have been crazy on my end with school, the baby, and my health problems. I will try to update this more often. And, I'm sorry this one is so short and choppy. Don't worry, though. It gets better from here.

            After everything that had happened, Marcus couldn’t believe that Abby would try to kill herself. But, at the same time, he could. He had even thought in passing what it would be like to go to Heaven with all the people he had lost. Those thoughts passed quickly for him, though. He knew he still needed to be here with Abby. He had to protect her from herself. She was trapped in her own mind with all the terrible things that had happened. Besides, if she were gone, too, he wouldn’t have anything to live for. He needed to make her see that she was the reason he was holding on. He needed to find that ring.

            Marcus dug around in the bed they had hardly used in the last few days. For a moment, he was afraid he wouldn’t find it, but there it was: trapped between the thin mattress and the wall. It wasn’t as pretty as the one she’d had with Jake, but it was going to have to be enough. He remembered talking to Niylah about it. She had helped him make it. It was just the right size and it was thin. He imagined it on her finger, then thought better.

            He wanted her to have it, but not like this. He wanted to marry Abby like he wanted to breathe, but not when she was like this. It was like the beginning of their time in the bunker all over again. Except it was worse this time. She not only wanted to die, but she had tried. She had tried in front of him and there was nothing he could do.

            Marcus put the ring in his pocket.

 

*****

 

            Abby was finally out of the woods, but Jackson refused to let her go anywhere without Miller at her side. She only had privacy when she went to the bathroom or to shower. And even then, Miller was just on the other side of the door, which she wasn’t allowed to lock.

            She had spent a lot of time thinking about what she had done since she woke up. In fact, most of her time was occupied either by Miller and Jackson talking to her, or thinking to herself, about how stupid it was of her to try to do something like this. She was needed here in the bunker. If she died, who would do the surgeries that Jackson didn’t know how to do? Who would deliver a baby if one happened to come along? Who would keep Marcus from turning back into the man he was on the Ark?

            Every time Marcus was mentioned, Abby felt a pain in her heart. She knew it was nothing compared to how he must feel. She could guess, though.

 

*****

 

            Marcus sat on the bed and didn’t fight the tears in his eyes. Crying wasn’t something he was ashamed of anymore. Abby had taught him to face his emotions.

            _Abby_.

            He thought about how much he loved her and how he wasn’t enough. His love wasn’t enough to keep her happy, to keep her sober. He understood that losing their son was one of the worst things she had ever had to deal with, but it was for him, too. And he hadn’t tried to kill himself. He couldn’t understand why Abby was enough to keep him going, but he wasn’t enough for her.

            _I’ll give her the ring when she realizes how much I love herI._

*****

 

            “She’s not my wife,” Marcus had told Diyoza. He didn’t regret saying it so much as he regretted that it was still true. Every time Abby had gotten sober, Marcus had thought about proposing to her. He wanted to wait until they were out of the woods, and every time he thought she was going to stay clean, she would relapse.

            He never once stopped loving her and he told her every chance he could. He knew she needed that love to keep her going. Especially after she had tried to kill herself when they lost their son.

            It was true that he was mad at her, yes, but there was nothing that would stop him from wanting her back. He told her time and time again that when she was sober, everything would be ok, and now she was.

            _Five days_ , Marcus thought to himself. _But, it’s different this time. Something feels different._

            Marcus looked at her as she opened the pill and let the contents spill on to the floor in front of her.

            _She’s sober. She’s healing. This time, it’s different._

 

*****

 

            Abby looked at the cryopod in front of her. She placed her hand on the glass above his heart. She knew this wouldn’t last long, but he was alive and that was all that mattered to her right now. The man she loved was alive and he would be when she woke up again. Abby prayed she wouldn’t have to tell him goodbye. She was saved from it right now, but the future was a mystery she wasn’t sure she was ready to face.

            Abby was surprised to find that, even in this emotional turmoil, she wasn’t craving her pills. She thanked whoever was out there for small miracles and begged for another to keep Marcus alive, to let him heal, to let her save his life. She wanted to stay with him until the day she died, old and sassy, just like they had promised each other after she had tried to kill herself.

            She needed him.

            Abby then climbed into her own pod, right next to Marcus, and fell into cryosleep still thinking of ways to make sure Marcus made it through this.

            _I won’t let you die, Marcus. I love you too much to let you go_.

 

*****

 

            Clarke and Bellamy woke Abby before anyone else, just like they had planned. They explained what had happened to her and introduced her to Jordan. They even opened the window on the ship to show her the new planet.

            “We’re going down today and we need you to keep an eye on everyone,” Clarke told her.

            Abby was in shock. A new planet? Two suns? But, before she could think her way out of her stupor, a ship flew up from the ground towards them. It started docking maneuvers before sending a voice transmission.

            “Come in, Eligius IV. This is Eligius 111, requesting permission to dock, Eligius IV.

 

 


End file.
